For Those Who Were Paying Attention…Thank You
The parties are over, the holiday’s officially wrapped. Trees will be placed in the bins, decorations in the attic, re-giftables in the upstairs closet for the next birthday or anniversary. There’s a touch of melancholy in the air as we wind down but there’s also a sense of anticipation; that getting back to work, school, pavement pounding, fitness protocol, whatever it is that makes up and energizes our day-to-day lives. It’s time to get on with it and we’re grateful for the re-set, no matter what kind of year we’ve had.
Last year I did a Pros & Cons of 2010 piece to wrap things up and though I had originally planned to do a similar analysis for 2011, I find I’m less inspired to list and more interested in expressing some gratitude at this particular chapter change.
I look around my life and it’s clear that, despite certain lackings and misfortunes (those inevitable turns that come at one point or another in everyone’s life), I clearly have so much to be grateful for. It’s no cliché; it’s a reality I would be remiss to ignore. There are the obvious things – family, health, friends, career upticks, HBO – but there are also the less obvious things, personal to each one of us. The things that can often go unnoticed or seem mundane but have a way of striking a chord that we, in particular, hear. I want to talk about one of mine:
All of you out there who were paying attention…that’s what I’m grateful for.
You know who you are. You’re the ones who read and commented on my articles, took the time to join a Facebook thread, “liked” what I requested to have “liked,” and voted when asked (or at least tried!). You visited sites and links I recommended and linked my work to your own pages. You responded to my emails, messages and tweets, acknowledged my promotional mailings, even passed them on to others with your own recommendations. Some of you bought my photographs, downloaded or purchased my CD, sent letters to Rachael Maddow touting my way with an opinion. One of you got an agent to read my as-yet-unpublished novel, another Twittered my photography site all over the place; some linked my blog or Huff Po column to their own websites, put an interview on their page, or used my photographs for their new Facebook banner. These are not small things to me…
…because that kind of consideration and attention cannot to be taken for granted. I have hundreds of people listed as Facebook friends, more on my mailing list, still others on LinkedIn, Twitter, BranchOut, etc., but you, pictured here, are the consistent, dependable, always vibrant, engaged and very active group who gets and stays involved in a connection of some kind with my life. Thank you…. it’s rare and notable. Because though we have never had more ways to communicate than we do currently, the actual art and craft of good communication requires the same consideration and cultivation as any meaningful skill. And it is, even in this era of data overload and instant access, one that is oddly and persistently lacking.
Think about how hard it used to be to connect: cave hieroglyphics, smoke signals, Morse Code, the Pony Express, those across-the-Atlantic letters from John Adams that took most of the year to get to his wife. People could go months and years not hearing from someone and be grateful for the tidings sent by way of a passing stranger. They somehow managed to live and share love and life without the glut of communication tools we have now and while they certainly couldn’t have known what they were missing, what would they think about the cavalier way in which so many deal with their own correspondence, particularly when it’s now so easy to stay in touch?
It takes only seconds to text, email, comment, “like,” share, or visit, and when you can do any or all of those at any time of the day or night that’s convenient to you (even if you are the Busiest Person in the Entire World as so many bad communicators claim), why is it that so many are so bad at it?
It’s a lack of prioritizing, good manners, consideration or “Communication Empathy” (that awareness of how crappy it feels when people ignore, dismiss, forget or simply never engage in any meaningful communication with you). Fact is, you can always find enough time if you want to, if you can externalize enough to tap into Communication Empathy and realize just how important it is. Being a thoughtful communicator shows you comprehend the connective power of even the most minor communication (a Tweet can make the world go ’round if it’s the right Tweet!). “If you want to” is the key. It’s how you prioritize your time and your correspondence choices…all of you here have clearly figured that out.
While we’re all so busy promoting our shows, CDs, sites, articles, families, books and businesses, it’s the thoughtful ones who also pay attention to what others are doing, selling, and promoting. If I were to describe the bane of my life (well, at least one of them!), I would have to say it’s those who don’t return emails, who don’t follow through, who don’t show up on time…or at all. Those who make promises they don’t keep. Who start a collaboration then disappear without a trace. Those who never (or seldom) participate, purchase, enjoy, attend, talk about, or share the work of others. Those who are “too busy,” too self-focused, too ME to see…you.
But that doesn’t apply to any of you pictured here. Like I said, you’ve got it figured out. You’re that special breed who does reach out, in all the ways that connect people, the ways that create good-will and make us each feel as if we’re part of something; a village, a circle of wagons, even just a group of Facebook friends. It’s not a waste of time, it’s not just mindless online chatter; it’s meaningful, however distant and cyber, however frivolous it may seem at times. Frankly, many of you, some of whom I rarely see, others I have never even met, have personally shown me more support, interest, affection and consideration than many closer, more intimate people in my life.
So that’s what I’m grateful for today. For those of you who were paying attention. For those of you who will keep paying attention. It’s an incredible gift. Thank you.
P.S. And if I left anybody out who should be in these collages, forgive me. Send me a note and I’ll be sure to add you to the page!
February 4th, 2012 at 5:28 am
Thanks for this grand post, got me to thinking about who and what I’m paying attention to! Guess I need to do more of that. I’m glad I found this web site on Yahoo, I’ll be back.
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LDW Reply:
February 5th, 2012 at 6:16 pm
Inspiring some thought on the idea of “who and what we’re paying attention to” was exactly the point so thank you for getting it! I appreciate your comments, Aide, come back any time! LDW
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January 27th, 2012 at 11:24 pm
Nice post I’ve bookmarked it on Digg under “To Those Who Were Paying Attention…Thank You | Rock+Paper+Music”. So hopefully our friends can give you a visit. Keep up the good stuff.
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LDW Reply:
January 28th, 2012 at 4:06 pm
Thanks, Quintin. I appreciate it! LDW
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January 24th, 2012 at 9:09 am
Thank you for this blog. Interesting, entertaining and an nice mix of personal and universal. I don’t know your singing but I hope you get in another band soon!
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LDW Reply:
January 26th, 2012 at 4:35 pm
Very sweet, Aumich. I hope so too….! LDW
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January 5th, 2012 at 4:30 pm
When I picture you laboring over these collages I have to think, “How sweet!”. You are somethin’ else, LDW.
Now take a rest and don’t respond to every post. You may have a rest-day.
-GRR
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LDW Reply:
January 6th, 2012 at 2:40 am
Sorry, Glenn, it’s just me…actually, I guess that’s my point – it just ain’t that hard to respond to people, y’know? Communication Empathy is in my genetic code. The day it becomes a burden, I’ll step away from the computer. Until then…!:)
And thank you for your comment…I loved making those collages. Allowed me to run my brain over each of you and have a second of thought about what you’d contributed to my conversation. That was a sweet bit of retrospection. All good.
LDW
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January 4th, 2012 at 6:30 pm
Lorraine, let me just say that you’re easy to pay attention to…you always present and share well thought out articles, thoughts and comments.
You’re one of my favorite online discoveries of 2011! :-)
D
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LDW Reply:
January 5th, 2012 at 2:45 am
Thank you, David. And everything you said? I was going to say the same thing back to you…especially the part about being one of my favorite online discoveries of 2011! Here’s to a great 2012 of continuing to discover lotsa other cool stuff! :) LDW
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January 3rd, 2012 at 8:57 pm
Lorraine, if I were to list the things I was grateful for in 2011, re-connecting with you would be high on the list! As I told you, I always thought of you as a very talented, very funny college buddy. It’s such a gift to discover what a thoughtful, interesting, ethical force you’ve become. I’m delighted to know you (and thrilled to be included in your list!) Here’s to us both – may our 2012 lists be equally as rewarding! Love you, sweetie! bzh
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LDW Reply:
January 3rd, 2012 at 11:24 pm
Betty: The feeling is exceedingly mutual! This remains one of the true gifts of Facebook; the access to reconnecting with people who mean something in your life. How on earth did we do it before? I guess we didn’t. We just moved from one era to another and it was too unwieldy to figure out how to stay attached as you evolved through your life. How fortunate to be able to find the roads back! I am thrilled to have you once again in my circle, Betty, and look forward to new adventures. Thank you for your kind words; means a lot coming from you! See you at Fred’s! xxoo LDW
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January 3rd, 2012 at 6:27 pm
Thanks Lorraine for another reminder about the need for basic good manners, empathy and awareness of one’s life in order to have a more profound life experience, or just more fun. Whatever Zuckerberg’s initial reason for creating a social network, it resulted in filling a basic human need for community, which led to facebook.
This tool made it easier to communicate with greater numbers of people and enjoy more existential freedom in order to relieve that dreaded feeling of isolation.
A true community is defined by people who live and participate within it. With freedom, political or existential, comes responsibility and commitment to self awareness. Your suggestions about how to improve the quality of that participation in our daily lives and on facebook are invaluable. How great the rewards when we pay attention and use it responsibly; allowing us to be more authentically in relationship with others increasing our ability for intimacy.
Whew! I’m done philosophizin’. I can hear someone saying, “Keep it short Tina.” They actually said, “You type so much.” So, I’ll shut up…in a second.
I love that you included me in your collage, which was no less lovingly and tenderly photo shopped together than hand gluing wildflowers collected from your beloved Playa and pressing them together on the surface of poster board to create yet another work of art by Lorraine Devon Wilke.
I tease you often about your continual search for the meaning of life, but you are living it, by writing about how to make all our relationships more meaningful.
You said it. Just be kind and thoughtful; like, share, or just return phone calls or emails. It isn’t that hard. Another great article.
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LDW Reply:
January 3rd, 2012 at 6:40 pm
Tina:
You can type as much as you want in my book! Anyone who writes as heartfullly (made up word: combo of heartfelt and artful…do you like it?), wisely and thoughtfully as you deserves the biggest canvas around. As one of your FB friends commented, you are one of the most considerate “friends” (on FB and in life) one could hope for and that gives you free rein. Philosophize away!
Actually, you brought tears to my eyes, my dear friend.
I think we all find our communities where we do and, frankly, those who impugn FB as a waste of time have likely not utilized it in ways that are meaningful, as many of us have. I wrote a comment on a blog this morning written by a woman who was finally admitting that the Kindle she’d bought her son was more successful in getting him to read than the stack of library books she usually force fed him. I applauded her embrace of technology, maintaining that it’s not the medium, not the delivery system, that is important, rather the connection, the action that follows. However we read, however we connect, it’s still human, loving, meaningful, and that’s really the point of it all. (If we can just ignore the ignorant commenting that comes with the territory!).
That was the certainly the point I was making in this piece, that the people who reach out and make that connection are doing so out of authentic desire to engage; not obligation, not demand. I love that. Facebook as a community center, a bulletin board, a coffee klatch. It is, as we’ve discovered, what we make of it and I really do love and appreciate the kindness and support I’ve found there.
And so glad you’re always and forever in that circle and the ones even closer. Happy new year, T. xxoo L
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January 3rd, 2012 at 6:01 pm
How Sweet Lorraine, I am honored to be included among the many people in your life. As I mature (both in age and mind)I enjoy being around people who challenge and are involved in life. You certainly are an inspiration and role model in that it’s never the wrong time to start something new. As my current career begins it’s fourth quarter I’m trying to figure out what new challenges I can begin. At times I think: “What would Lorraine do?”. You are fearless and I envy your energy level. I don’t have the artistic and creative background you do but there should always be an endeavor for someone to gain knowledge and begin something new. Have a great 2012 Lorraine, you are one of a kind.
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LDW Reply:
January 3rd, 2012 at 6:49 pm
John:
OF COURSE you’re included! You are one of the great finds of this past year, an old friend who moved into the forefront after many years in between and through the magical powers of Facebook became one of my absolute favorite people. I deeply appreciate your kind words and the way in which you frame my particular journey because you are a person of such warmth, generosity, compassion and integrity that your words, your particular words, have great meaning to me. Thank you, John.
To whatever extent my relentless drive to keep finding meaning in life, as my friend Tina lovingly “accuses” me of (and you know I loved that, Tina!), inspires or moves someone else to lift a few more stones along their way, I’m delighted. We all inspire and prod each other forward, I think; that’s what friendship is about, that’s what some of us have found in our exchanges, sharings and warm involvements in FB. That it has slipped beyond there and into our real lives for some of us is just a big fat bonus, as far as I’m concerned!
I think you are a stellar example of a contemporary man who understands the meaning of connection and authentic friendship. Huge. And not to be taken for granted. You will always be included in the collages that make up the most meaningful circles of my life. Happy new year, John, to you and your beautiful Liz! LDW
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January 3rd, 2012 at 4:38 am
Aww, thanks Lorraine. It’s an honor to be counted among such great company. And it’s a pleasure to know you, to read your writing and to stay in touch. Love and blessings for a great 2012, kg
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LDW Reply:
January 3rd, 2012 at 6:53 am
You know you just touch my heart, Kim, so I’m happy to have you in the circle. Best to you, too, in 2012. LDW
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January 3rd, 2012 at 2:22 am
Lorraine: I feel so humbled and honored to be included in your collage! This has been a difficult year for me, starting with the loss of my Mom last January. With that loss, I am the last one from my original family left as I’ve lost my Dad and sister over the last few years as well. The feeling of “being alone” is a strange one, even though I am surrounded by a loving wife and two wonderful and loving daughters. But the biggest family “revelation” for me was the discovery of a whole side of my family I never knew existed until Vicki Blanas and I made contact and compared notes and found that this wonderful family I never knew existed was literally all around me for decades. I raised my kids in Crystal Lake and they attended many of the same schools as the Amandes kids. Then we moved to Washington and made contact with the whole West Coast Amandes clan! What fun to find cousins I never had before! And such a talented and gifted family in many different disciplines! I would love to meet you and your family someday Lorraine! In the meantime, thank you for all of the great observations you share – every time I read your stuff you make me think – and that’s GOOD! Take care and Happy New Year!
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LDW Reply:
January 3rd, 2012 at 7:01 am
It IS amazing, Steve, to discover an extended family floating around you that’s as big as the Amandes clan! Kind of shocking, actually! But I know everyone has so enjoyed connecting to and getting to know Vicky and her family, as well as you and yours. I’m sorry to hear you’ve had a bit of a rough year; it’s really tough to lose your parents. To whatever extent the new additions to your family circle help make you feel a little less alone, I’m glad!
And thank you for your sweet comments about my work. I always appreciate your contribution and your kind thoughts. Take care, Steve. LDW
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January 2nd, 2012 at 11:24 pm
We feel so lucky to have you in our lives, Lorraine. We missed you both yesterday, but look forward to seeing you soon!
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LDW Reply:
January 2nd, 2012 at 11:38 pm
Awww…thanks, Jennifer. We could not have been more disappointed. But thank you for your kind thoughts and know that we, too, are so grateful to have you and Eddie in our lives. It’s that time of year when we really do take stock and I feel like a rich girl in the wonderful friends that surround me. xxoo L
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January 2nd, 2012 at 7:10 pm
some people communicate(respond)….somehow you find the right words -and ALWAYS put so succinctly – to describe the issue at hand. I’m grateful you found this path at this very right time in your life….Happy New Re-set (I like that term!)
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LDW Reply:
January 2nd, 2012 at 7:46 pm
I know…re-set has a certain contemporary ring to it, doesn’t it? Thanks for your comment, Mary. I always appreciate your particular support, my partner through so many childhood adventures and so much of our journey together! :) xxoo L
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January 2nd, 2012 at 6:56 pm
Rereading your 2010 wrap-up reminds me that time is so elusive. Here you are scarcely 365 days later and you have grown as a blogger, joined the roster of the HuffPo pros, launched a photosite and a freshman in college, grown your brand and perhaps feel more energized and optimistic about the future than one short year ago.
I love that this blog focuses on something so commonly overlooked. I’ve felt quite disconnected for a few years traveling through the fog of grief, weaving in and out of life going on around me. Your posts, your blog, your tweets all jog me a bit to understand that stepping out can be rewarding in ways we may not anticipate.
While I’ll look forward to your insights on the latest in the biz (Oscars, latest tv hits/misses, music to appreciate), it’s definitely these personal posts that make me warmest. So happy to have reconnected.
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LDW Reply:
January 2nd, 2012 at 7:04 pm
Thank you, my dear friend. We each use what we have to express and connect and words, for me, are one of the most meaningful. You are the Queen of Words and I look forward to you relaunching your own expressive commentary on our life and times. It all adds up to something rich and provocative, our various views, and I love that, in my world, you are a part of the contributing circle.
It has been quite a year, in so many ways. I feel a bit like a horse stomping at the gate (even at this late age!), pawing the ground and waiting for the gate to open so I can fly. Until then, I love the many canvases I have at my disposal and will continue on my winding but always interesting road. That you pay attention…well, that’s the prize, isn’t it?
Best to you, Cris, and thank you for making points and being your wise self even through the fog. xxoo LDW
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