Comments on: My Very Cool Roommate Is Moving Out… http://rockpapermusic.com/my-very-cool-roommate-is-moving-out/ | the Blog of Lorraine Devon Wilke Sun, 05 Feb 2012 18:16:48 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: LDW http://rockpapermusic.com/my-very-cool-roommate-is-moving-out/comment-page-3/#comment-11264 LDW Tue, 11 Oct 2011 03:00:32 +0000 http://rockpapermusic.com/?p=130#comment-11264 Great, Patricia...I'm so glad you had a good visit. I'll be getting that story up in the next week. Take care! LDW Great, Patricia…I’m so glad you had a good visit. I’ll be getting that story up in the next week. Take care! LDW

]]> By: Patricia http://rockpapermusic.com/my-very-cool-roommate-is-moving-out/comment-page-3/#comment-11263 Patricia Tue, 11 Oct 2011 01:10:28 +0000 http://rockpapermusic.com/?p=130#comment-11263 Thank you for your reply, Lorraine. Once again, your words are spot on :) I will definitely look at the follow-up piece and let you know what I think. My son just visited for the weekend. I am so grateful for the hugs and laughs and hugs and smiles.....and hugs :) Thank you for your reply, Lorraine. Once again, your words are spot on :) I will definitely look at the follow-up piece and let you know what I think. My son just visited for the weekend. I am so grateful for the hugs and laughs and hugs and smiles…..and hugs :)

]]> By: LDW http://rockpapermusic.com/my-very-cool-roommate-is-moving-out/comment-page-3/#comment-11171 LDW Tue, 04 Oct 2011 20:01:05 +0000 http://rockpapermusic.com/?p=130#comment-11171 Aw...Patricia...I SO know what you're going through. Just as my words resonated with you, yours do with me. It was, seriously, one of the most painful experiences of my life, leaving him at school last August. Like you, it felt like a death and even my husband, his father, didn't quite get the depth of what I was feeling. There's something so wrenching about it, like a part of your heart is being ripped out. After 18 years of having this person be the absolute most focused part of your life, suddenly you're asked - almost blithely - to let go. Just let go, as if that's not a big deal. It is a BIG deal. My heart is truly with you and, hopefully without sounding trite, I feel your pain. Let me tell you this: my son is now in his second year and it HAS gotten easier. I wrote a follow-up piece to the story you just read called http://rockpapermusic.com/empty-next-syndrome-coming-home/, looking ahead, last May, to what the first summer home would be like. I plan to write a follow-up to that as well...several people wrote and asked: "Well, how did that first summer go?" so it bears an answer. You do adapt. Especially after they come home for that first summer and you realize they're still the same amazing child/son/person and you find a new way to connect and be attached in this new incarnation of your experience together. It WILL happen for you, I promise. For me those first several, very painful, months were helped by keeping very focused on my work. It was distraction, but necessary distraction. And over time...yes, it did get easier. Thank you for writing. If you subscribe to the email service on the site, you'll get notices when new posts are published. Otherwise, just keep an eye out. Hang in there, Patricia! LDW Aw…Patricia…I SO know what you’re going through. Just as my words resonated with you, yours do with me. It was, seriously, one of the most painful experiences of my life, leaving him at school last August. Like you, it felt like a death and even my husband, his father, didn’t quite get the depth of what I was feeling. There’s something so wrenching about it, like a part of your heart is being ripped out. After 18 years of having this person be the absolute most focused part of your life, suddenly you’re asked – almost blithely – to let go. Just let go, as if that’s not a big deal. It is a BIG deal. My heart is truly with you and, hopefully without sounding trite, I feel your pain.

Let me tell you this: my son is now in his second year and it HAS gotten easier. I wrote a follow-up piece to the story you just read called http://rockpapermusic.com/empty-next-syndrome-coming-home/, looking ahead, last May, to what the first summer home would be like. I plan to write a follow-up to that as well…several people wrote and asked: “Well, how did that first summer go?” so it bears an answer.

You do adapt. Especially after they come home for that first summer and you realize they’re still the same amazing child/son/person and you find a new way to connect and be attached in this new incarnation of your experience together. It WILL happen for you, I promise. For me those first several, very painful, months were helped by keeping very focused on my work. It was distraction, but necessary distraction. And over time…yes, it did get easier.

Thank you for writing. If you subscribe to the email service on the site, you’ll get notices when new posts are published. Otherwise, just keep an eye out. Hang in there, Patricia! LDW

]]> By: Patricia http://rockpapermusic.com/my-very-cool-roommate-is-moving-out/comment-page-3/#comment-11167 Patricia Tue, 04 Oct 2011 14:40:52 +0000 http://rockpapermusic.com/?p=130#comment-11167 Wow. I am having a tough time typing this, as the tears are flowing. Again. My son left in August for college. He is the most amazing child/son/person and we have shared an incredible journey together. We were/are very close. I cannot talk to very many people about the way I am feeling. First of all, I cry every time. Second of all, most people do not understand, or if they do at all because they have been through it, they pretend like they don't, or they forget, and say stupid things. It's a very strange place to be. I liken it losing someone through death, and the feeling one gets when everyone goes home, back to their routines, and one is left alone to grieve. But at the same time...no one ever really came at all. I know it will get easier on some level, but on another, it won't. Thank you again. Thank you, thank you, thank you :) Wow. I am having a tough time typing this, as the tears are flowing. Again. My son left in August for college. He is the most amazing child/son/person and we have shared an incredible journey together. We were/are very close. I cannot talk to very many people about the way I am feeling. First of all, I cry every time. Second of all, most people do not understand, or if they do at all because they have been through it, they pretend like they don’t, or they forget, and say stupid things. It’s a very strange place to be. I liken it losing someone through death, and the feeling one gets when everyone goes home, back to their routines, and one is left alone to grieve. But at the same time…no one ever really came at all. I know it will get easier on some level, but on another, it won’t. Thank you again. Thank you, thank you, thank you :)

]]> By: LDW http://rockpapermusic.com/my-very-cool-roommate-is-moving-out/comment-page-3/#comment-10628 LDW Wed, 15 Jun 2011 20:03:14 +0000 http://rockpapermusic.com/?p=130#comment-10628 Marlen: I also wanted to add that I've got a "second chapter" of this saga as well: "Empty Next Syndrome....Coming Home" on this blog and a version of it up on my Huffington Post page (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lorraine-devon-wilke/empty-next-syndrome_b_860906.html). You might have come here from that later piece but if you didn't, check it out. You'll note things get easier....! :) LDW Marlen: I also wanted to add that I’ve got a “second chapter” of this saga as well: “Empty Next Syndrome….Coming Home” on this blog and a version of it up on my Huffington Post page (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lorraine-devon-wilke/empty-next-syndrome_b_860906.html). You might have come here from that later piece but if you didn’t, check it out. You’ll note things get easier….! :)

LDW

]]> By: LDW http://rockpapermusic.com/my-very-cool-roommate-is-moving-out/comment-page-3/#comment-10627 LDW Wed, 15 Jun 2011 20:00:59 +0000 http://rockpapermusic.com/?p=130#comment-10627 Marlen: Thanks for your thoughtful and very heartfelt comment. I think this process of "letting go" of your child is one of the hardest in the world; certainly for me and for many. It's one of those inevitable milestones that we know is coming, we expect, we even look forward to in some ways but, for me, when I got right up to it, it knocked the air out of my lungs. Somehow it was easier to picture it somewhere up in the distance then stand at the parking lot of the dorm watching him walk off into his new life while you feel like someone just ripped your heart out! I've heard from enough to know that not everyone goes through that dramatic a transition, for I have had such a close, fun and bonded relationship with my son that it was a life-changer for me...still is. So I understand, with great compassion, what you're going through. Enjoy your second chance (because it, too, will eventually end!) and make the most of every moment. It sounds like such a cliche, but it's the absolute truth. Each moment is what we have and it's important not to waste any being concerned with how many moments are left! We're all "normal"...this is just the life of being a loving parent! Thanks and best to you. LDW Marlen: Thanks for your thoughtful and very heartfelt comment. I think this process of “letting go” of your child is one of the hardest in the world; certainly for me and for many. It’s one of those inevitable milestones that we know is coming, we expect, we even look forward to in some ways but, for me, when I got right up to it, it knocked the air out of my lungs. Somehow it was easier to picture it somewhere up in the distance then stand at the parking lot of the dorm watching him walk off into his new life while you feel like someone just ripped your heart out! I’ve heard from enough to know that not everyone goes through that dramatic a transition, for I have had such a close, fun and bonded relationship with my son that it was a life-changer for me…still is. So I understand, with great compassion, what you’re going through.

Enjoy your second chance (because it, too, will eventually end!) and make the most of every moment. It sounds like such a cliche, but it’s the absolute truth. Each moment is what we have and it’s important not to waste any being concerned with how many moments are left! We’re all “normal”…this is just the life of being a loving parent!

Thanks and best to you. LDW

]]> By: Marlen http://rockpapermusic.com/my-very-cool-roommate-is-moving-out/comment-page-3/#comment-10625 Marlen Wed, 15 Jun 2011 13:52:26 +0000 http://rockpapermusic.com/?p=130#comment-10625 Wow thought I was weird to feel this way. Thank you so much for your words, your heartfelt feelings. My daughter almost moved out and due to circumstances she did not go away and she stayed and I have to admit I was so happy. She is now going to school locally and I feel I was given a second chance, more time to enjoy her company. But I know it will eventually happen she will move out and I do not look forward to that time. My daughter is a special type of person that despite the fact I love her her life style clashes with ever fiber in my body so this time that she is still home and not expressing her self is my time to pretend everything is still my normal only time will tell what will happen when she leaves . Once again thank you for making me feel normal. Wow thought I was weird to feel this way. Thank you so much for your words, your heartfelt feelings. My daughter almost moved out and due to circumstances she did not go away and she stayed and I have to admit I was so happy. She is now going to school locally and I feel I was given a second chance, more time to enjoy her company. But I know it will eventually happen she will move out and I do not look forward to that time. My daughter is a special type of person that despite the fact I love her her life style clashes with ever fiber in my body so this time that she is still home and not expressing her self is my time to pretend everything is still my normal only time will tell what will happen when she leaves . Once again thank you for making me feel normal.

]]> By: LDW http://rockpapermusic.com/my-very-cool-roommate-is-moving-out/comment-page-3/#comment-10623 LDW Wed, 15 Jun 2011 05:29:21 +0000 http://rockpapermusic.com/?p=130#comment-10623 Kim...thank you for your comment; I really appreciate it. It's a real journey, isn't it? Looking ahead to letting go. I have to say, the night before we left him at his dorm was one of the hardest of my life; I felt like I was making some kind of colossal blunder that would be irrevocable. But we survived, he survived, he flourished, actually, and he's home this summer being exactly the boy I remember. It does get easier, this I promise you. It never ceases to be a huge, monolithic turning point in your life, your family's life, but it does get easier. And it just evolves into a different kind of relationship. It's the letting go that's the hardest part. Hang in there...I'm glad if anything I had to say helped. LDW Kim…thank you for your comment; I really appreciate it.

It’s a real journey, isn’t it? Looking ahead to letting go. I have to say, the night before we left him at his dorm was one of the hardest of my life; I felt like I was making some kind of colossal blunder that would be irrevocable. But we survived, he survived, he flourished, actually, and he’s home this summer being exactly the boy I remember. It does get easier, this I promise you. It never ceases to be a huge, monolithic turning point in your life, your family’s life, but it does get easier. And it just evolves into a different kind of relationship. It’s the letting go that’s the hardest part.

Hang in there…I’m glad if anything I had to say helped.

LDW

]]> By: Kim http://rockpapermusic.com/my-very-cool-roommate-is-moving-out/comment-page-3/#comment-10622 Kim Wed, 15 Jun 2011 05:22:05 +0000 http://rockpapermusic.com/?p=130#comment-10622 You put in to words my feelings, as all this is coming upon me, too. In the next year, my perfect roommate, will be leaving me. You find the precise way to say what is happening. Thank you; it helps. You put in to words my feelings, as all this is coming upon me, too. In the next year, my perfect roommate, will be leaving me. You find the precise way to say what is happening. Thank you; it helps.

]]> By: Empty Next Syndrome…Coming Home | Rock+Paper+Music http://rockpapermusic.com/my-very-cool-roommate-is-moving-out/comment-page-3/#comment-10500 Empty Next Syndrome…Coming Home | Rock+Paper+Music Fri, 13 May 2011 15:35:09 +0000 http://rockpapermusic.com/?p=130#comment-10500 [...] For a look at the first chapter of this story, click My Very Cool Roommate is Moving Out. [...] [...] For a look at the first chapter of this story, click My Very Cool Roommate is Moving Out. [...]

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