Chick Singer Pt. 1, the Folk Era: Megon McDonough vs TOOU

The air was thick with tension, fierce whispers bounced between the huddled groups hunched in corners, scribbling on notepads, heads in hands; all waiting, waiting, waiting for some word, some sign. It was hard to believe they were there after so much anticipation, sitting now in churned anxiety, the future uncertain and no way of rushing it.  It was too much for one and tears began. Before long, others joined  (there were lots of girls). It was not a happy night for any of them and dread loomed.

Mudaco_sm

Who could have expected this?  After weeks of discussion about what to do, tense and sometimes emotional decisions about who would do it, late night meetings about how it would be done, what order to do it in, what placement in the lineup, it all came down to this:

Would TOOU or Megan McDonough be singing “Leaving On a Jet Plane” at the Mudaco Talent Show at Crystal Lake Community High School in the year 1970?

cd_mannerThis was not a minor question nor a minor event. Mudaco (Music Dance Comedy) was the premiere talent show of the school year and we, TOOU — The Organization of Us — viewed it as a pivotal performance to cap a year of folk singing success and that song, “Leaving On a Jet Plane,” was our signature number. To have it snatched from us moments into dress rehearsal was unfathomable. By a girl who no one in that school could possibly compete with, a girl who was a bona fide celebrity by virtue of having won the WLS “Big Break Contest” at 14, subsequently scoring a record deal, then just continuing on in high school as the gorgeous guitar slinging, singing/songwriting phenomenon with her soulful eyes and long, swinging brunette hair, and well…who could compete with that?

Not me. Not us. We were from a another planet. Like the “Glee” geeks without the choreography. The Organization of Us, or TOOU as we were acronymically known, was just a loose band of earnest teenagers originally gathered to folk-sing along to the new and somewhat controversial “folk Mass” about to debut at St. Thomas Church in Crystal Lake, Illinois.  It was the vaunted Summer of Love, 1968, with its ubiquitous mix of flower power, draft card drama and lentil-soup fueled protests against the Viet Nam war, and TOOU became safe harbor for those of us too young to fully embrace the hippie lifestyle but aware enough to rebel against…something. Launching the Folk Mass with its banging guitars, bouncing energy and unconventional repertoire would have to do. So while my oldest sister marched with political fervor in her John Lennon glasses and Janis hair, I spent that summer reveling in Summer Blonde, Sergio Mendes and my first boyfriend. But more than anything, that summer I fell in love with this eclectic group of singers and guitarists who met in the church basement to pound out folky versions of “Holy Holy Holy” and the “Our Father.” That boy I liked was one of the movers and shakers and I was lucky enough to have him and the vocal chops to move up quickly in the TOOU performing hierarchy. It was an unforgettable summer.

Our success with the folk Mass, which ultimately became the most attended service at the church, led to a burgeoning slate of outside engagements, not least of which was our first non-secular gig at some business or school event (can’t remember).  As if breaking out of church mode wasn’t heady enough, it was also our first paying gig…$50 to split between a group of 15 or so. And we were delighted. I think it was then that we realized we needed a name; we couldn’t just be the “St. Thomas folk singers.”  We needed a moniker, something with heft and buzz. It’s my recollection that I came up with the very era-centric name of The Organization of Us. Or maybe I just came up with the rather clumsy acronym TOOU, but whatever the history, the name stuck. Before long we were performing at parties, beach gatherings, other church events, anywhere we could squeeze into a corner or a picnic table and start singing. TOOU became a formidable performance behemoth that sometimes included up to 25 kids, many of whom played guitars, tambourines, penny whistles and various other percussion instruments and, quite frankly, we took up so much space we simply began to require bigger venues!  There were the performers from my family – sisters Peg, Mary and me and, in later incarnations, brothers Paul and Tom. There were the O’Reillys, 14 siblings, most of whom could sing like birds, all of whom were enthusiastic performers: Chris, Beau, Cecelie, Gloria, Dorothy, Beth Ann, Jamie, well…there were lots of them, some of whom joined later.  Then there was our guitarist extraordinaire, Pete Swenson, who we’d force to play “Classical Gas” as often as we could because he was simply brilliant at it. His sister Patti, Ken Polnow, Andi LeBlanc, Wendy Treptow, Karen Tefft, Tom Mooney, Joe Haase, Kent Tarpley; Cris Vosti. Occasionally Ed Csech would show up with his rocker edge and cigarette smoke and I’d sing songs like Simon and Garfunkle’s “The Boxer” with him. He played 12 string better than anyone I ever knew, then or now. People came and went (check the many names under these photos), it was an ever-fluid line-up, with some of us — the core group — always there to anchor the show. And with our excellent musicians, clear voices, and tight harmonies that stacked up high, sweet and all Phil Spectorish wall-of-sound, we were often very, very good.

Then came Mudaco, a kind of primitive “American Idol,” with the prestige and excitement to attract every star-struck, exceptionally talented, marginally talented, freakishly not talented but always entertaining high school ham to its roster and we were right there at the top of the list.  Also at the top of the list? Yep. Megan McDonough. I didn’t know Megan well; in fact, I barely knew her at all. She was royalty. You have to understand: WLS was the premiere rock station in Chicago with DJ Dick Biondi and his playlist of songs that made every kid within the broadcasting area dance around dining room tables, and that WLS had given Megan McDonough a prize. A big prize. She got a record deal with Wooden Nickel Records. I sang Peter, Paul and Mary songs in a church. She was quite literally of out of my league and I knew it. But it was high school and what she had in fame we had in sheer numbers and so we both carved our niche and peacefully coexisted in the fertile folk-rock zeitgeist of the times.  Until that Mudaco.

Here’s the thing about “Leaving On a Jet Plane.”  We sang it at every gig, we sang it with a variety of harmonic components, we sang it well. To this day, if I’m anywhere near my mother and a guitar, she begs me to sing it for her.  I usually do.  And that year at Mudaco, TOOU was to sing two songs: one I can’t remember; the other: “Leaving On a Jet Plane.” Our headliner. We rehearsed it ad nauseum, we honed it to a spit-shine finish and suddenly, late into dress rehearsal and one night before the big performance, we were informed that Megan McDonough, the big ticket item of the show, had decided to sing — you guessed it — “Leaving On a Jet Plane.” There are no words to describe our horror.  This was our song, our signature number, our literal musical identity as a group.  Why didn’t Megan just sing one of her hits?  One of her original songs? What the hell? THIS WAS HUGE.

Much tense negotiation ensued, lots of copious high-school-girl weeping, more mature discussion of what we could perform instead; the adjustment period was savage but we were trying to be troupers.  Then word came down: Megan was willing and prepared to sing a different song. “Leaving On a Jet Plane” was all ours. The erupting roar was shattering.  We were beyond grateful. We were emotionally exhausted, exhilarated, and we kicked “Leaving On a Jet Plane” ass. I don’t remember what Megan sang; it was probably on the radio before we got to the 10:00 Folk Mass that Sunday.

toou copy

We went on to perform at the McHenry County Fair’s Talent Contest that summer, all funky cool in ourTOOU_Wins_Fair_Talent_Show_article_001 god-awful 60’s patterned jump suits and jumpy-jittery stage moves (you should see the tape from which this picture, above, was pulled!) and on that stage, we were the stars…we snared first prize in front of a crowd of family, pig farmers, 4-H kids hugging their ribbons and our many fans from all over McHenry County. It was a seminal moment of sweet victory, one that is unmatched in its youthful, exuberant joy. For some of the group heading off to college, it was a last, perfect performance. For those of us remaining, it was a feat we would never replicate. Though we continued throughout the next year, it felt like the original incarnation had peaked and the younger kids that came in and took over ultimately formed their own version of TOOU.

When I left for college the next year I continued my folk-singing ways for a while, most notably with the folk/country trio of me, Fred Koller and my dear friend, Fred Rubin. red herring article_smIt was with these fellows that I did my first recordings, cutting two memorable tracks with the titles “Rome Didn’t Fall In a Day” and “Our Love Is Just Like an Old Pinball Machine (the Kind That It Don’t Take Much To Tilt”)…I never did get copies, which is unfortunate; I’m sure they were impressive!

From these folky beginnings I embarked upon my enduring career as a singer over many decades (even now occasionally finding my way to a microphone), one that included musical theater, 50’s rock, 80’s new wave/soul and, more recently, singer/songwriter blues rock.  And it remains that TOOU will always be the irreplaceable starting point. The moment of realizing what it felt like to bond so deeply and musically with a group of like-minded artists. To experience the rush of opening my mouth and letting sound and breath and emotion pour from inside and be heard by a welcoming audience…it was, and is, a feeling like no other and one that compelled me for the next 30 years.

Many from the group went on to artistic careers, though I’ve lost track of most. Cris Vosti, now Cris Carroll, is a brilliant writer whose blog (http://cris-cafeimagine.blogspot.com/) is truly one of my favorite reads. Many of the O’Reilly clan continue in Chicago music, art and theater; Google any one of them and surely there’s a play being put up or a record being put out.  Jamie O’Reilly, singer extraordinaire, keeps me posted on events and her very active role in Chicago art and women’s issues (http://www.jamieoreilly.com/); I hear the talented Mr. Pete Swenson is still playing guitar with her and many others. Some of the members that followed, particularly my brothers Paul and Tom, have also gone on to amazing careers, Tom as a successful actor and director (“Everwood,” “Parenthood,” Brokedown Palace, etc. – www.tomamandes.com) and Paul, who teaches theater (Columbia College in Chicago), and writes and performs on stages all over the midwest. I don’t know what Ed Csech is doing these days but I hope he’s still playing that guitar. As for my college folk era mainstay, Fred Rubin, he had a tremendously successful career as a writer/producer of many hit TV series (“Family Matters,” “Diff’rent Strokes,” “Night Court,” “Step by Step,” etc.), some of which he cast me in and still pay (small) residuals.  He is now a respected speaker and screenwriting instructor at UCLA. With a killer sense of humor and a penchant for comedy, he makes frequent appearances on www.oldjewstellingjokes.com.

And Megan?  She became Megon (with an “o”) at some point and continues to have a stellar career as a songwriter, performer, actress, etc., appearing in venues around the country (though still very much based out of Chicago), both acting and singing.  Her lengthy discography, from that first Wooden Nickel album to her latest CD, lays proof to her enduring talent and I suggest you visit her site:  (www.megonmcdonough.com).

Megon today

 

As for the events of that night, I’m probably making too much of it, maybe I don’t even have the facts straight. I doubt Megon remembers me or TOOU or the details of the drama and odds are, if she does, it holds no special memory, just a simple change to her set list. But it stuck with me. It was gracious. She was the famous girl who generously conceded on a song, the same girl who would later open up for John Denver and probably got to sing “Leaving On a Jet Plane” with the man who actually wrote it.  We’re both grown women now and have enjoyed our separate careers, but I see her as a compatriot of sorts, a fellow traveler on this journey we artists take.  It’s a good one, a hard one, sometimes one that turns out far different than we imagined, or ends too quickly, or leads us in directions we were not expecting to go, but it’s a journey that’s always an expression of some essential part of who we are…which is why we take it in the first place.  And when, on this twisting, turning road, we meet fellow travelers who touch a chord for one reason or another, it just seems worth a nod.

Photo credits:
Megon McDonough photos @ www.megonmegon.com
Collage photos with permission.
All other photos courtesy of Lorraine Devon Wilke

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Visit www.lorrainedevonwilke.com for details and links to LDW’s books, music, photography, and articles.

Neil Boyle, Molly Malone’s, and Pretty In Pink

DEVON band photo 2Knee-deep in the pursuit of rock and roll dreams, I faced the ’80s like so many other pavement-pounding, hair-sprayed, idealistic artists of the era: driven, sartorially questionable, and usually broke. Too many years on the road with various cover bands—covering not only the Top-40 of the day but most of the west, mid-west and southwest by car and van—left me weary of musical circles headed nowhere. It was clear the time had come to get serious about my destiny. I was to be a rock n’ roll star. I needed to get on with it. That meant an original band and a job to support it.

I landed back in my Art Deco one-bedroom on the infamous Argyle Avenue, a wide boulevard that, in the 1980s, had the dubious distinction of being the only gang-infested ‘hood in the otherwise tony hills of Hollywood. When I wasn’t dodging bullets or avoiding eye contact with various gang members hell-bent on terrorizing us denizens living snugly (smugly?) at the foot of the Hollywood sign, I was writing my first songs, rehearsing with the first band that was literally being formed around my voice, my words, and my name, while looking for that perfect job that would afford me rent and rehearsal space, and still be time-flexible. That could only mean one thing: waitressing.

My guitarist’s girlfriend at the time, a gorgeous punk goddess from Scotland who worked at the Troubadour and wore torn fishnets and black eyeliner better than anyone I knew (and would later mentor me in the fine art of “truly living rock & roll” – meaning I was in leather, belts (many), rhinestones, and Spritz Forte from morning to the weary moment I lay my head down at night), presented a solution. Besides the very hip Troubadour gig she wrangled for all it was worth, she also had a part-time shift at a local pub, one she wanted to phase herself out of…was I interested? Not really, no, but… OK, fine.

Molly Malone’s, down on 6th and Fairfax, in one of the many hearts of Los Angeles; very casual, lunchtime menu, just cocktails at night. Small enough room, easy enough uniform, loose enough management style (i.e., lots of staff and management drinking shenanigans) and on most nights, plenty enough cash to pocket. As good as it gets. Nowadays Molly Malone’s is a bona fidedly hip music venue with an expansive stage area, an impressive dinner menu and a respectively spiffed-up decor; back then it was a smoky, scruffy, one-room pub where hardcore drinkers came to suck down Jameson shots and Black n’ Tans, and get into fist-fights that ended with sweaty man-hugs and often — to my mercenary delight — loose wads of cash knocked under sticky tables. It was a wild place filled with Irish immigrants, wannabe Irish (particularly on St. Patrick’s Day), off-duty (and occasionally on-duty) LAPD, and a contingent of rock n’ roll hipsters (a harbinger of the evolution to come).

Sidebar: one night, as I leaned over a table with beers and shots, one of those hipsters glanced up, looked me over, and with a cocked head and squinted eye finally asked, “Has anyone ever told you you look like Lorraine Devon?” No. No one ever had. I guess the tux shirt and serving tray were too great a disguise. Turns out he’d seen my band at The Lingerie or Sasch or Madame Wong’s or somewhere. Fans. “Thanks,” I gushed, delighted to be recognized. “I’m glad you liked the band.  Actually, if you’re interested, we’ll be playing again at—what? Oh, yeah, sure, of course…one Harp, two Guiness, four Irish coffees, got it!”

Yep. It’s only rock n’ roll.

Anyway, back to my story…Somewhat anomalous to all this rowdy, irreverent carrying-on was the almost daily presence of the esteemed “in-house” artist, Neil Boyle. Tall, white-haired and bearded, Neil, with his dignified mien, quiet, observant manner, and ubiquitous glass of mineral water, somehow both fit the venue and stood outside it. Always seated next to Molly’s owner, the late Angela Hanlon, either at the bar or a table near the stage, sipping his non-alcoholic beverage (surely an oxymoron in an Irish bar… and I can say that; I’m a quarter Irish!), while tapping his foot to The Mulligans or patiently listening to some random, nonsensical chatter from a usually tipsy table-mate, Neil exuded grace. He was the classiest guy in the joint. Always. And it was understood that he was to be accommodated.

Angela would often request, even on the busiest nights (with me the only waitress), that I get up on stage and sing “The Rose,” because Neil liked it. Despite the clear loss of income for both me and the cash register whilst I warbled that melancholy favorite in lieu of slinging drinks, she wouldn’t stop requesting until it became a demand, and, before she snapped in a fit of pique, I’d get up on that thumbnail stage with whoever was playing that night and sing “Some say love, it is a river….” like the quarter-Irish heartbreaker I was. It may as well have been “Danny Boy”…Angela would cry and Neil would listen quietly and smile as if he was genuinely moved by the serenade, which, odds are, he was. ‘The Rose” is a good song.

BarInterior by Neil Boyle

But beyond a kind, music-loving demeanor, Neil’s most profound contribution to Molly Malone’s was his art.  His beautiful, evocative, incredibly special art. Over 70 of his oil paintings hang in that little bar to this day. How unexpected to find that kind of exceptional work in a dark, hole-in-the-wall bar but Molly Malone’s was – and is – literally wallpapered with it. For an artist whose pieces command phenomenal fees, who was always in demand for murals and commissioned work, and whose many pieces hang in galleries and museums around the country, the prestige of showcasing such valuable art was undeniable to Molly’s. Some patrons came in simply to view Neil’s paintings. It was a draw. Literally.

The largest painting was of Angela Hanlon. It hung in clear view over the entrance and depicted her in all her youthful, lovely splendor. Other paintings were of bar scenes, street scenes, but most were of the people and faces that came and went through the swinging doors of that pub; the regulars, the Molly Malone’s coterie. And everyone who walked through those doors wanted to be one of the faces Neil painted, everyone. Few were. And you had to be asked. There was no appealing to him, no requests, no hinting; no prancing around commenting on “how nice it would be to be up on these walls.” No one got up there unless Neil wanted to paint them, wanted to put them up there, and to be asked, to be chosen, was an honor like no other.

Almost three years in, near the end of my tenure there, and on the morning of a soon-to-be riotously busy St. Paddy’s Day, Neil quietly approached me and said, “I want to paint your picture.” Stunned, I blushed pink and stammered something about “how honored I am to be asked,” or some other such blathering nonsense, but the truth was, I was… honored to be asked. I sat down at one of the booths, put my elbow up on the green and white checkered tablecloth, my white tux shirt and string tie neatly arranged, my big ’80s hair properly fluffed, and Neil took my picture. I can’t remember how long it was before the subsequent painting appeared on the wall at Molly’s, but at some point it was there. Dead center on the main wall. Lit with a pin spot. And immediately a conversation piece…

Because while Neil painted most of the Molly Malone faces in palettes of brown and caramel, and black and yellow—me, he painted in pink. Pretty in pink. And it was truly was one of the most beautiful paintings on that wall. Not because of my face (necessarily!), but because Neil imbued it with a color and glow that made it stand out from the earth tones surrounding it, and that alone made it unique. Someone suggested it communicated his affection for me. Maybe so. Maybe because I sang him “The Rose.” Maybe because he liked my blonde hair. Maybe because I kept him in mineral water. Maybe it was just because he felt the wall needed some pink. Whatever the reason, it is a beautiful painting and, as far as I know, it still hangs prominently on the main wall of Molly Malone’s.

LorraineDevon by Neil Boyle 1984

Neil died in February of 2006. Not too long after that, my brother, Tom Amandes, was acting in a TV pilot being shot, coincidentally, at Molly’s. At one point Tom called to tell me they’d blocked one of his scenes and, without realizing it, had placed him directly under the Neil Boyle painting of a woman in pink… yep, that one. He sent me the snapshot taken by the prop person. I can’t find that photo today but I do have a beautiful print of my painting. My friend, Tina Romanus (who Neil also painted at some point later…though not in pink), had asked Neil make one for me and he did. It’s hanging on my own wall.

Still pretty in pink.

 

Included paintings and for more information on Neil Boyle: www.neilboyle.com 
Visit Molly’s at  www.mollymalonesla.com.
Molly Malone’s photo credit www.yelp.com
Photo of Neil Boyle by Scott Burdick, www.scottburdick.com
DEVON photo courtesy of Lorraine Devon Wilke


 

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Lorraine’s third novel, The Alchemy of Noise, is  currently available at Amazon and elsewhere.

Visit www.lorrainedevonwilke.com for details and links to LDW’s books, music, photography, and articles.

Empty Nest Pt. 1: My Very Cool Roommate Is Moving Out…

motarboard toss

Mortarboards have been thrown, transcripts sent, dorm walls measured, orientation trips planned. All set. Good to go. Congrats on the success, good luck on the next chapter and, wo-hoo, we just couldn’t be prouder. It’s time to let go and launch the kid and all I know is…my very cool roommate is moving out and I’m going to miss him.

There are various Rites of Passage we go through in life: Teething, Puberty, Anxious 30’s, Mid-Life (Crisis or Otherwise), Menopause (male & female), Damn 50’s, Really Old and, finally, Facing Death. They all have capital letters. And each comes with an unwrittenprincipal's award guide that gets us through the shoals with instruction and reassurances that whatever we’re thinking/feeling/experiencing is simply part of that phase, hang on, we’re all going through it, nothing to be afraid of.

For example, no matter what’s going on with a child during the pre-mastication era, no matter what symptoms or behaviors, no worries, it’s “Just Teething.” Fevering madly? Teething. Screaming for dear life? Teething. Eating dirt with enthusiasm? Teething. And Puberty? Every whine-fest, meltdown, door-slam, anxiety-attack, hair-flinging stomp from the kitchen is ascribed to that unavoidable transition from childhood to hormones.  God forbid a real crisis is in bloom, we’re convinced it’s “Just Puberty.” A few decades later we follow with another version of the same…except with the added burden of being closer to Facing Death. That would be Menopause with all its sweaty, mood-swinging confusion.  Of course, there are also the phases of Marriage and Parenthood. Not everyone will go through these but most will, and most who experience Parenthood will ultimately face the classic Rite of Passage known as Empty Nest Syndrome, ENS. Let’s pull that one out of the pack.

JgradIt’s a worthy topic this time of year when yet another fresh batch of graduating 18-year-olds and their beleaguered parents are faced with this unavoidable and monumental transition. It might be instructional to break it down. Because here’s the truth: like all other phases of life, all other Rites of Passage – whether teething, teening, or reluctantly senioring – NONE of it is the same for all of us. No advice, no analysis, no remedy applies unanimously. We’re all going through our own version. Of everything. You may be gleefully booking your cruise for September or planning that first post-child remodel on the house, but I’m not. I’m dealing with the fact that I had a very cool roommate for 18 years and now he’s moving out.  And I’m going to miss him.

This may seem like a weird analogy, perhaps an overly morbid one, but there’s something here akin to how we deal with death. It’s no secret that everyone grieves differently and pretty much everyone struggles with how to talk to grieving folk. When my father died, I was struck by how off-putting I too often found the well-meaning person who’d ask how old he was when he died (72) only to respond, “Well, at least he lived a nice long life.” My thought:  not really. 72 seems a tad young to me. And whatever, I don’t care if he was 97, he was still my father and he’s still dead and I’m still sad. Or when they’d hear he died in his sleep and would say, “Well, at least he died peacefully,” and I’d want to holler, “So what?? He died and I’m really sad and that comment doesn’t make me feel any better!” I learned by subjective experience that the only safe thing to say to a person suffering grief is: “I’m so sorry to hear about your loss.” If you know the deceased, say something personal and authentic like: “Your Dad was a really great guy…I played tennis with him once and liked him a lot.” That sort of thing is always appreciated. Too many people are afraid to actually talk about the person who died and, trust me, the grieving party likes nothing better. But the point is, don’t say anything that smacks of generic, patronizing Guidebook Speak; it doesn’t help.

What, you may be thinking, does any of this have to do with Empty Nest Syndrome? A lot, actually. Because ENS is, quite simply, about loss. And like death and all these other Rites of Passage, it’s completely and utterly unique for each person and requires a certain wisdom in response. May I suggest a few very subjective pointers?

1.  Don’t tell me “It’s his time to fly…you just have to let him go.” I already know that. Don’t insult my intelligence orLighthouse with Dillon imply inordinate neediness on my part by making the point. No one wants him to fly more than I do. Nor is anyone more aware that it’s time to let go. Just say, “Oh, honey, I understand…you’re going to miss him… it’ll get better.” That’s all that’s needed.

2.  Refrain from: “You’ll need to find some new things to focus on, to keep yourself busy and distracted after he leaves.” No, I don’t. I have plenty to do. I was busy and distracted while he was here and I’ve still got all my projects, work, husband, friends, hobbies, household tasks, creative endeavors, etc. He was hardly ever around anyway so it’s not about filling time. It’s just that I’m going to miss him. Ask me how he’s doing in college and come with me to a movie.

dill with headphones 001sm3. Try to avoid: “You’ll be surprised how nice it is when you don’t have to do his laundry or look at his messy room anymore.” That’ll be surprising? I’ve been looking forward to that for years! But, frankly, regardless of dirty clothes or the bomb site that is his room, I’ve always loved knowing he was just down the hall, ready to wake up and make me laugh, help me with my website or talk to me about his girlfriend. If you know me, you’ll understand why I might be found napping on the well-made bed in his empty room every once in a while. Don’t call the shrink… it’s my own form of therapy.

4.  Don’t bother with: “But he’ll come home for breaks and summers, right?” We all know that once the family system embraces the Initial departure, it’s never quite the same as Before They Left. We can’t pretend. We’ve all got to adjust, you can just say it.

5. And PLEASE, do not send articles from Psychology Today that analyze ENS and suggest therapy or herbs or calming pharmaceuticals. I’m not having a breakdown; my kid is just leaving home.

Rachell's cardParenthood is one of the few relationships that comes with a certain planned obsolescence. We go into it fully knowing we’ve got to leap now and let go later. There’s no other such deal in life: we get married and the plan is till death do us part. It doesn’t always work out but that’s the idea… we aren’t typically required to give it up at a preordained time. Same with friends; we make a great friend and there is absolutely no reason to believe we can’t keep them through the dotage years. A loving pet is under our feet and in our beds until the very end.

But a child? We get them only for a while. We know that this one relationship, this special, amazing, unique, and glorious relationship, is going to change and develop and transform every minute of every day and in about 18 years time will naturally evolve away from us in a way that is inevitable and irreversible. It’s the Circle of Life, the Coming of Age, the Passing of the Mantle. It’s perfect and painful at the same time.

But know this: Most of us suffering from ENS need no advice. No drugs, no therapy; no words of wisdom. We know what is happening and we know it must happen. We’re proud of our children, proud of ourselves for our part in their success. We’re excited for the new adventures they’ll embrace and vicariously thrilled by their flight. We’re ready to welcome them back for the moments they’ll briefly return but have no delusion about keeping them forever in their cozy childhood rooms. We’re the ones gently, lovingly, pushing them out the door to their inevitable independence. We’re good parents and we know what we’re supposed to do.

Cambria shore 2006 007

But still…I had a very cool roommate for 18 years and now he’s moving out. I’m really going to miss him.

To read the entire Empty Nest series, click links below:

• Empty Nest Pt 1: My Very Cool Roommate Is Moving Out…
• Empty Nest Pt 2: Empty ‘Next’ Syndrome…Coming Home
• Empty Nest Pt. 3: See You In November!
Empty Nest Pt. 4: He’s Leaving Home AGAIN… Bye Bye
Empty Nest Pt. 5: It’s a Wrap… Well, Almost
Empty Nest Pt. 6: the Final Chapter: With Keys In Hand, He Flies…
Empty Nest, EPILOGUE: He’s Getting Married in the Morning

All photographs courtesy of Lorraine Devon Wilke 

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Visit www.lorrainedevonwilke.com for details and links to LDW’s books, music, photography, and articles.

Admission Statement

I’ve been thinking about this for a while.  Typically not reluctant to express myself, I’m one of those people who writes letters to the editor, sends opinion pieces to whoever sparks my opinion, tells people to shut up in movie theaters and generally feels passionate about the healing, exhilarating, often useful effect of communication.  My mother says I was born with my mouth open. That pretty much says it all.

I recently mentioned the birth of my blog to a somewhat cynical fellow I know professionally after which he commented with a sigh, “Does the world really need another blog?”  I didn’t remain fond of him. And no, of course, the answer is:  no. The world does not need another blog. The world does not need another meadow either because, as we know, there are corn fields and wheat fields enough to grow. But that does not stop us from presenting some often very lovely new meadows to the world regardless of inventory and so I proceed, need and cynicism notwithstanding.

L @ Fleener Creek Overlook 4.10 sm
Me and one of those delightfully redundant meadows; courtesy of Heather McLarty

Because here’s my thinking:  Not only do I have a fair amount to say (and I promise I will say it as intelligently and irreverently as I can muster), but I’ve been around a long time and have lived an eclectic, interesting life filled with many eclectic and interesting people, several of whom you’ve never heard of, all of whom you should. Incredible music has been made, clever stories imagined, profound experiences had — by me and these various people with whom I’ve traversed my life — and it seems to me that some of this damned life and experience and creation deserves to see the light of day.  I’m takin’ it on.

So that’s the plan. Stories will be told.  Some will be mine. Some will be others’. When opinion is provoked, I’ll make mine known (agreement not required).  I’ll explore art that’s touched me in its many forms and incarnations.  I will share chapters of my music and writing; include my photography in ways that either illustrate or simply decorate.  I’ll argue a point, critique an absurdity, applaud a person worthy of applause. And here’s the bonus:  at least once a month, I’m going to feature a story on someone or something that I believe deserves some attention.  Not that my giving attention is going to boost a cause or change any lives — if only I were that powerful! — but I’m determined to shine at least my little light on the artists, musicians, activists, writers, photographers, teachers, environmentalists, philosophers, etc., that I’ve come upon whose talent, heart, passion and creativity compels all the light they can get.  I’ve got a chunky list of candidates but if I ever get low, I’ll put out a clarion call.

Before I go, about the name:  A few years ago a friend and colleague of mine, Suzanne Battaglia, and I envisioned an independent record label that would seek out and sign accomplished recordings artists of the BB demographic (40+); artists who had the spark and talent to warrant success but had missed or were never given the necessary breaks and opportunities.   Our big-picture business plan included a film production company and an arts/politics/lifestyle magazine (online and off), both of which would also seek to include artists beyond the youth generation.  We felt it was needed – though we love the “youths” (I’m sure I’ll be writing about some youths), we wanted to expand the pool a bit!  It was an exciting, refreshing idea and we were able to stoke significant enthusiasm and a solid commitment for financing in no time. Unfortunately, life crises arose for some involved and stalled funding followed and ultimately the idea was shelved.  But the name – a whimsical, arty, evocative moniker which struck me in a moment of inspiration – was trademarked and available and still so clever and so I decided to coopt it for this new venture which has echoes of the previous: Rock+Paper+Music.

ouida
Ouida Ball, one of the most civil personalities on earth.

Admission is free and on a “stop in when you can” basis.  I will write as often as I’m inspired and will welcome comment, insight, contribution and debate.  My only demand is civility.  I am beyond exhausted with the snarky and vitriolic discourse I too often see online.  We can be irreverent – I encourage it! – but let’s have dignified irreverence. “I desire a culture where people of different political and personal persuasions remain civil, decent & open-minded. I’m weary of polarized debate. Intelligent minds can disagree without rancor. Honorable people can accept a good idea from the other side.”   That’s my quote. I’m stickin’ to it. Welcome to my blog!

LDW w glasses


Visit www.lorrainedevonwilke.com for details and links to LDW’s books, music, photography, and articles.